Fathering has taken on a different meaning in the 21st century. Besides bringing home the bacon, fathers should also be more actively involved with their children.
A father who is able to apply the saying: “Know thyself before knowing others” to himself before he plunges headlong into parenting is already halfway towards achieving a winning fathering formula. The other half, of course, is pure effort and being engaged in his children’s daily lives.
The first four fathering styles, which have a negative effect on parenting ways, help men become more aware of their own personalities and shortcomings. The fifth compassionate/mentor style is the best to adopt as it combines both intelligence and a wise teacher approach, which will make their children feel that their dads hold them as number one priority, and in turn fathers are more willing than not to do all that it takes to raise their children properly.
Those who see themselves reflected adopting the first four styles should take steps to add compassion and mentoring to their parenting approach.
Mr Lau Tat Chuan, director at Centre for Fathering Singapore (CFF), shares a model that originated from the National Centre for Fathering (NCF) in the USA. The model explores the dual dimensions of a father’s control and warmth in his parenting style and points men towards adopting a more positive, authoritative style. In workshops, CFF also uses NCF’s paper-based self-assessment, the Personal Fathering Profile (PFP), to help fathers to receive inputs on other dimensions of his parenting style and how he can make behavioural changes to become more effective.
Mr Lau says: “In order to become an effective parent, do an honest self-assessment. After obtaining the results, seek feedback by talking with your spouse or friends. Reflect on the insights gained and make plans for improvement. The data gathered will help you better analyse your interactions with your own children and provides some level of objectivity that contributes to making positive behavioural changes in a sensitive and emotional area of your life.”
“Attributes of an effective or successful father include an ability to observe and appreciate the uniqueness of his child, willingness to learn from the interactions and to make the necessary adjustments to cater to his child’s needs, and the ability to change his fathering approach as his child grows,” shares Mr Lau.
Discipline is part and parcel of parenting. “A child’s personality will reveal itself more fully as he grows older. However, there are general principles of effective discipline that a father needs in his parenting toolbox, especially if he is a first-time dad.” shares Mr Lau.
Some disciplinary techniques include:
A father's personality and background experiences will also have some influence on his approach to disciplining. He needs to be open, be aware, and seek feedback in order to change direction if necessary – for the sake of his children's well-being,” says Mr Lau.
References: https://ilovechildren.sg/be-informed/article/how-be-good-father?tid=3
Centre For FatheringSource: https://ilovechildren.sg/be-informed/article/how-be-good-father?tid=3