How to deal with terrible twos?

Babyment

When your child turns 2 years old, you may wonder why your little angel starts behaving like a little monster: he ignores what you say completely when you ask him to eat his lunch; he bites or hits you when you attempt to change his clothes for him. Worse still, you feel helpless and embarrassed when he squirms about on the floor and kicks his legs in a supermarket, demanding you to buy him a lollipop.

Yes. You have a terrible two and you are not alone.

Cause of terrible twos - Need for power

Your child wants to be important to you and to the world around him. If you hug your younger or elder child, he will be upset. He will ask his brother or sister to go away and will want you to hug him only.

Your child may throw tantrums as he wants control. He wants to be independent, buy things he likes immediately and wear clothes with the pattern he likes. If you reject his requests, he will demonstrate negative behavior to show you his power by squirming about on the floor, screaming, stomping his feet, kicking, biting or hitting - anything to get what he wants.

Cause of terrible twos - Communication problem

At two, your toddler is still unable to express himself clearly. He may ask for a biscuit, but unfortunately, he does not articulate it correctly and you simply cannot understand what he is trying to tell you. This could make him feel frustrated. Thus, he starts to whine, making the situation worse as the whining makes it harder for you to understand what he wants.

Cause of terrible twos- Need attention

Children need our attention. They need to feel a sense of being loved and cared, and if they do not get attention in positive ways, they will feel bored and may resort to negative means like whining or throwing things around. If you give him sufficient attention before he feels bored, you will see your child displaying annoying behavior less often.

When do terrible twos start?

For most children, it starts at around the age of two. But many could have started early like at 18 months old of age.

At the age of 18 months or 19 months, many children may start to scream, throw tantrums and throw things around.

Although it is not common, some children start to demonstrate these negative behaviors before turning 18 months old.

When will terrible twos end?

For majority of children, it ends when they reach three-year-old.

How long do terrible twos last?

It usually lasts for about 18 months. But for some children, it may last longer.

How to deal with terrible twos?

(a) Dealing with terrible twos at home

First and foremost, you should remain calm and avoid negatively reinforcing the bad behavior. If your emotions escalate, so will your child's. Do not confront him. Instead, ignore your child without making any eye contact and wait for him to calm down. This will ensure you are not reinforcing bad behavior.

If you want him to calm down faster, hugging or holding your child in the midst of a tantrum may be able to help. Hugging him or holding him makes him feel loved and cared, these positive emotions will help him to calm down.

If your child does not wish to be held and hits you while you are trying to hug him, it may be better to sit or stand quietly nearby and let him know you can hug him as soon as he is ready to do so.

After the tantrum, you should talk to him nicely and teach him how to express his feelings to you through words instead of throwing a fit. Reassure your toddler that you love him, then move on to the next activity.

(b) Dealing with terrible twos in public place

It is very embarrassing for many parents when their children cry or throw tantrum in public places like shopping centres.

When this happens to you, carry your toddler away from the situation and take him to a quiet place such as the car park or less crowded corner. Hug or hold him until the tantrum stops.

Do not give in to your child's demands if his requests are not reasonable to you. If he knows he can throw a fit and get what he wants, situations like this are going to repeat.

How to prevent temper tantrum in terrible twos?

1. Preventing temper tantrum in terrible twos - React early to signs

Very often, temper tantrums take place when your child is hungry, bored, or it is close to his normal sleeping time.

As a parent, you can anticipate these by paying attention to nonverbal cues and react accordingly. Provide a snack if he or she seems to be hungry. Settle him down on bed if it is time for him for sleep.

Play with him if you notice he seems bored.

2. Preventing temper tantrum in terrible twos - Teach them to articulate themselves

Very often, your toddler feels frustrated when no one in the house understands what he wants. When your child has calmed down, you can teach him how to express himself correctly so that the same situation will not repeat.

Ask him to repeat what you have taught him to make sure you understand what he says this time round.

3. Preventing temper tantrum in terrible twos - Plan activities

Toddlers want to feel wanted and they may start to behave in a negative way when they feel bored. You should plan daily activities around them to prevent them from feeling bored and give them undivided attention when you are playing with them.

Planning activities around him also means you should avoid trips when it is close to his nap time. It also means you should prepare to give your little one food when you know he or she may be hungry at a certain time of the day.

How to manage terrible twos?

1. Managing terrible twos - Offer choice, but not open-ended question

The two-year-old wants to feel power and control over his world. Offering choices allows him to feel like he has some power. "Should we go to playground or stay at home to play toy plane?"

Do not ask open-ended questions as he may feel confused.

2. Managing terrible twos - Consequence